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ZION'S TRUMPET
1Blow ye the trumpet in Zion, and sound an alarm in my holy mountain: let all the inhabitants of the land tremble: for the day of the LORD cometh, for it is nigh at hand; Joel 2:1
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Category Archives: Satire and Humor

The Difference Between Men and Women

July 25, 2014

From Theo: http://www.theospark.net/

Glue. It’s Not What You Think.

July 23, 2014

Glue

Found at MM: http://maddmedic.wordpress.com/

Nothing.

July 21, 2014

Not A Victim

From MM: http://maddmedic.wordpress.com/

Corporate America

July 21, 2014

ameeting.jpg

From AD: http://americandigest.org/

This nigga be Brilliant!

July 17, 2014

From Theo: http://www.theospark.net/

Now That’s Funny!

July 17, 2014

Hiefer

Found at MM: http://maddmedic.wordpress.com/

Obama’s Immigration Express (Except nobody is Laughing)

July 17, 2014

From MM: https://maddmedic.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/air-obama.jpg

Dead Broke

July 17, 2014

Good Choice Ron.

July 17, 2014

From RBA: http://redbloodedamerica.tumblr.com/

She Does…

July 14, 2014

Really

From MM: http://maddmedic.wordpress.com/

Mondays. Yea, they are like that.

July 14, 2014

Found this at Feral Irishman: http://theferalirishman.blogspot.com/

It’s 5% Friday!

July 11, 2014

Friday3

From MM: http://maddmedic.wordpress.com/

The Latest Shipment of Politicians

July 11, 2014

Republican Establishment Begins Weighing Candidates for 2016

 

abonelessporkrectum.jpg
 

Democrats would do this too except they already elected theirs.

From AD: http://americandigest.org/

The Latest “Allergy” Fad and BBMs (Bohemian Bourgeois Mothers)

July 9, 2014

Gluten Intolerance May Be Completely Fake

Friday, July 4, 2014

I’ve been sent this story a few times by friends who know my thoughts on gluten intolerance.  I never thought it was real. Food allergies are real, but rare. When all of sudden half the population suddenly becomes allergic to bread, you should know it is hysterical bullshit. I know exactly one person with celiac disease. I know dozens of people claiming to be gluten intolerant. The fact that all of these people were eating bread with no problem until this fad came along is what the empirically minded call a clue.

That’s according to an academic study that effectively overturned the results of a previous one in 2011, which had served as evidence that non-celiac gluten sensitivity (NCGS) is a real condition, Real Clear Science reports.

Peter Gibson, a gastroenterology professor at Monash University in Australia, conducted the original study, but was not satisfied with its results.

So he and a group of researchers carried out a new one, giving 37 people with a declared gluten sensitivity and irritable bowel syndrome four separate diets. Participants were first fed a baseline diet that was low in FODMAPs (fermentable, poorly absorbed short-chain carbohydrates) for two weeks.

The subjects then were blindly assigned one of three diets for a week: a high-gluten diet, which had 16 grams per day of added gluten; a low-gluten diet, which had two grams of gluten and 14 grams of whey protein per day; and a control diet, which had 16 grams of whey protein isolate per day, according to the study.

Subjects reported worsening gastrointestinal symptoms no matter which diet they consumed. Data from the study suggested a “nocebo” effect, similar to when people feel symptoms from Wi-Fi and wind turbines, Real Clear Science reported.

It should also be noted subjects reported feeling fewer gastrointestinal symptoms after eating the baseline diet, low-FODMAP diet, which includes many foods from which people abstain when taking on a gluten-free diet, such as breads, beer and pasta.

This reminds me of the peanut allergy hoax popular last decade. All of a sudden. 20% of the nation’s youth was allergic to nuts. Basic science said this could not be true, but parents convinced themselves their little snowflake was allergic. Then the kids got to the age where they could pick their own food and magically they were no longer allergic. I knew a woman who swore her kid was allergic until one day he came home munching a peanut candy of some sort. He did not die and she realized the nut problem was between her ears.

Of course, all of this is an off-shoot of the victim culture. Everyone is looking for a clever way to prove they are up against it. The greatest displays of public piety are those that involve the suffering of the pious. Instead of nailing themselves to the cross, bourgeois bohemian mothers pretend their otherwise mediocre offspring have an exotic disorder.  That’s run its course, so now, in middle age, those same moms claim cupcakes give them the runs.

From Z Blog: http://thezman.com/wordpress/

Are You Mainstream? Old School? Thinking of Going “Hipster?” Might Wanna Think Again.

July 9, 2014

Hipster Finds Lifestyle Too Expensive, Reverts Back to Mainstream

/ Jon Costin

HipsterASHEVILLE, NC — Derek Loy has been living the hipster lifestyle for the past two years, but after his bank account began to dwindle, he reverted back to mainstream customs.

“I tried my best,” said Loy, “I really did. I was juicing regularly, eating local and organic, and was doing my best to only drink craft beer. Unfortunately, my bank account just couldn’t handle hipster living.”

Loy said the added stress on his bank account caused him to revert back to a more conventional lifestyle, that he enjoyed in his pre-hipster years.

“All the stuff I was doing was great. Kale salads and IPA’s are delicious, but you know what’s also fantastic: cheap stuff. Bud light, frozen chicken and pizza, Coke. Was I saving a lot of money on clothes? Absolutely. I mean, I was buying stuff from thrift stores that homeless people probably wouldn’t wear. And, because I rarely showered, my water bill had never been lower, but those discounts pale in comparison to the money I save when I go to Kroger and buy a half gallon tub of ice cream, instead of chive and lentil flavored froyo from Whole Foods Market.”

Loy said he also has enjoyed hobbies that he wasn’t able to partake in the past two years including playing golf, and being able to talk about football with friends, as well as cleanly shaving his face.

“Do I miss hanging out at a brewery, drinking with a scarf on and talking about Radiohead tattoos? Actually, no. No I don’t. I’m finally free to go to a Buffalo Wild Wings and watch sports on Sunday, while drinking a giant Budweiser.” said Loy ecstatically. “The ironic thing is if I didn’t make this change, I would have been close to living out of my van, which would have made me a god among hipsters.”

After his profound endorsement of his common lifestyle, Loy proceeded to dip a corndog in chili and said, “This is the best I’ve felt in years.”

From Lettuce Fold: http://lettucefold.com/2014/06/30/hipster-finds-lifestyle-too-expensive-reverts-back-to-mainstream/

I Hear Ya Ron!

July 9, 2014

Found at RBA: http://redbloodedamerica.tumblr.com/

Hump Day Funny

July 9, 2014

Found this at IAHW: http://itaintholywater.blogspot.com/

Political Correctness is Killing Comedy

July 8, 2014

Imagine if the most brilliant comedians in history were working today.

They’d never stop apologizing. Charlie Chaplin would have to apologize to all the homeless people he belittled with his Little Tramp character.

W.C. Fields and Dean Martin would both have to apologize to alcoholics. The Marx brothers would have to apologize to Italians, mutes and uptight British ladies. Comedy has been around for a long, long time, and there have been a lot of impolite, unpleasant and jaw-droppingly politically incorrect jokes. Blacks were shuffling slaves, Italians were gangsters, Jews were cheap, gays were queens, white people couldn’t dance and fat people didn’t have dignity. You went up there as a comic and joked about it all and nothing was off-limits. And to this day, nobody has died from a single joke.

Comedian Gilbert Gottfried on Handling Internet Outrage | Playboy

Found at AD: http://americandigest.org/

You got That Right!

June 27, 2014

Dont Ever

Found at mm: http://maddmedic.wordpress.com/

Amazon Never Forgets!

June 27, 2014

From 90 miles: http://ninetymilesfromtyranny.blogspot.com/

Not the Only Thing this Evil-O-Ass-hole Man is.

June 27, 2014

image

From RBA: http://redbloodedamerica.tumblr.com/

Chelsea Clinton: Shut Your Bucktoothed Bitch-hole!

June 25, 2014

America to Chelsea Clinton: Shut your bucktoothed bitch-hole!

 

chelsea.jpg
 

Dear Chelsea Clinton: Stop. Just…Stop it

“She’d bloody well care about money if every time the gas and food prices go up it’s another supper of macaroni and cheese for us!” Maybe, from your $10 million dollar pad in Gramercy Park you can hear the young couple weighed down with college debt: “She’d freaking care about money if she was living in her mom’s basement while trying to find a real job and carrying $45,000 in college loans.”

From AD: http://americandigest.org/

Now THAT’S a Chainsaw!

June 25, 2014

Fuck yeah gif

Found at KMLA: http://knuckledraggin.com/

Too Stupid…

June 25, 2014

Coincidence? That’s a Crock O’ Shit.

June 24, 2014

From 90 miles: http://ninetymilesfromtyranny.blogspot.com/

Mega Douche Hillary

June 23, 2014

Minority

From mm: http://maddmedic.wordpress.com/

Mr. Cover-up

June 23, 2014

Poof

What not to Say in an Interview…

June 23, 2014

Honesty

More Traffic…

June 20, 2014

Wonder

Found at mm: http://maddmedic.wordpress.com/

Friday Funny!

June 20, 2014

FRIDAY FUNNY!

Terrorists boarded a flight out of London .One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.

Just before take-off, a Royal Marine sat down in the aisle seat.

After take-off the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said ‘I need to get up and get a Coke.’

‘Don’t get up,’ said the Marine ‘I’m in the aisle seat, ‘I’ll get it for you.’

As soon as he left one of the Arabs picked up the Marine’s shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned with the Coke, the other Arab said, ‘That looks good. I’d really like one too.’ Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it.

While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marine’s other shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.

As the plane was landing the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. He leaned over and asked his Arabneighbours, ‘Why does it have to be this way?’

‘How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in Cokes?’

Found at MM: http://maddmedic.wordpress.com/