What? Don’t they have clocks in Islam? Don’t imams wear watches? Doesn’t anybody over there have an hour glass or something? Sun dial, you miserable savages? What is it with those fuzzy little varmints over there? Every day, all I hear about from Muslim leaders is the “ushering in of the 12th Imam” and how he will destroy America and Israel, the Great and Little Satans! Well, I wish the 12th Imam would hurry up and usher his ass into action…I’m getting sick and tired of waiting around! Let’s go, Imam…meter’s running!
Today, another little hairball in robes said what is going on in Bahrain is “primed to spur the return of the 12th Imam.” Yeah, yeah, yeah, tell somebody that cares, Hadji! Last week, it was Libya that was going to spur the return. Before that, it was some other middle east hellhole that was going to spur the return of the 12th Imam! Before that, it was Muslim women wearing western clothing that was going to spur the return! Know what I think? I think this 12th Imam cat is lost! Or maybe on a two month drunk or something! Hell, he could be following the NASCAR circuit and got drunk as a whale poot in Talledega last Sunday. Or maybe he thinks he’s the 13th Imam and is too waiting for the return of the 12th Imam. Maybe this “spurring in” of the 12th Imam is exactly what needs to happen….like sticking a spur in his butt to get his lazy ass out of bed and return, for heaven’s sake!
You know, Muslims don’t appear to be very bright. You can’t be and believe all the stuff they believe. Let’s face it, anyone who can be made to believe that blowing themselves up and killing innocent people will win them 72 virgins in heaven isn’t going to cure cancer anytime soon. Also, I mean, let’s face it…does anyone really want 72 virgins anyway? Maybe a few would do to spice things up but, for the Big Sexy, I like my womerns a tad on the trashy side, baybah. So I have a great idea to calm things down in the wacky world of Islam! All we have to do is slip in a fake 12th Imam…it’s not like they have a picture of him….to get those terrorizing sumbitches to settle down over there.
The fake 12th Imam would have to be good…we need to put some thought into this…somebody that really plays the part of the 12th Imam well. Aha! I’ve got it! The Iron Sheik! Yes! It has to be the Iron Sheik! He’s perfect. He’s from Iran and speaks that godawful savage language nobody can understand…he’s just the fake 12th Imam we need!
So here’s the plan. We parachute the Sheik into Tehran with a bull horn saying “All right all you camel humpers..I’m the 12th Imam and I have finally returned…late as hell…but I have returned and I am pissed!” There would be massive confusion and those terrorist bastids would be crapping their burqas! Then we have the Sheik say something like:
“Verily, I say unto y’all, Allah has told me to get my ass down here and settle you mutts down! He said if y’all blow up one more thing or person, there ain’t gonna be NO virgins…or trashy womerns either…waiting for you up in heaven! In fact, Allah says he’s a Presbyterian these days so just cut out all that terrorism BS or there’s gonna be more hell than a little bit with the Big Guy!”
I’m telling you right now, AWD out to be running the CIA! I’d have those camel humpers running around in circles! How does the AWD continually do it? It’s a gift!
So, 12th Imam, just stay wherever the hell you are! If you’re laid up with a bunch of infield sluts in Talledega..just stay there! We’re tired of waiting around! You had us, you lost us! And we don’t need no stinkin’ 12th Imam anyway. We have the Iron Sheik!
Thanks to Angry White Dude at: http://angrywhitedude.com/